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Covid-19 Facing our own mortality

"Coronavirus" the one word in 2020 that we will never forget.  

A post not coming from sadness but the possible need to get things in order for own piece of mind. Silver linings at the end my friends so read on. 

I dabbled with the idea of posting this or not, sharing my deepest thoughts and fears. I am a person who lives life mostly trying to keep my inner peace and myself happy no matter what the circumstances, looking after mental well being above all else. In part this has worked for me for many years, no matter how tough life gets, you pick yourself up, brush yourself down and carry on. Be strong, motivate yourself and others and always look for the silver lining of the darkest cloud. 

But finding the silver lining in this case, no glimmer of it just yet. Dealing with isolation from my daughters and friends and my furever friend who is poorly, along with a business that has really slowed in the last month weeks.

I know I should be doing what my personal development lessons teach and listening to my mindfulness seminars and watching funny things to take my mind off things, which on some days I find easy to do, I am managing to keep a happy positive outlook. But I still need to think real, I need to think what if.... not just for myself but for my loved ones too. 

Facing my own mortality and keeping it real. 

As people we are all in the same boat, underline health conditions or not, young, middle-aged or elderly. We are all facing something we have learnt a lot about in the past month or so, something that could potentially strike anyone of us at any time. With that in mind what do you do? 

Personally - like I said most days I am keeping myself motivated, happy and busy creating things staying indoors, but outside of that little bubble on and off I do need to gear up and think of those I love should the worse case scenario become a reality for my loved ones and myself. I can't have the airy fairy attitude that I am invincible and it won't happen to me. 

Things in place - A just in case preparation 

Preparing things for my loved ones isn't really something i'd ever thought about doing, although maybe it's something that should be done regardless of any virus to ensure loved ones at a sad time have less to cope with. 

Writing my funeral wishes for them so they know what to do when perhaps they are not thinking straight. 

Making sure the pooches have a home to go to. My wishes for them. 

Handwritten notes to my nearest and dearest of all the things I want to say, all the love I feel for them and all the wishes I have for them to go on and live the most amazing life, and to most importantly know that although they can't see me I am very much there, and always will be. 

Clearing up - we all have those avalanche cupboards and overflowing draws in our homes i'm sure of that haha, so the least effort they have to make clearing up my cupboards and draws the better. 

My passwords to everything

who they need to contact. 

Writing a will 

This won't really apply to me if I am honest as I don't have any real assets to leave other than all my crap haha. At this moment in time I really wish I did have something of value to leave. Apart from my courses they can take over as a legacy business. Obviously not the keepsake making side as they have no interest in that, iv'e tried haha. 

The above comes with a little guilt too if I am honest, what if I had saved more what if I had worked harder what if I had managed to market my business more efficiently then maybe id at least have a good cash flow to leave, but I don't. I know it's not all about money but it sure helps buy loo roll haha. 

On a lighter note - getting out of this alive what will change? 

Well this is a tough one because we don't know when this bull thing will rear it's ugly unforgiving head again but should we be as lucky to see the back of it as quickly as it came and we are lucky enough in years to come to be here to tell the horrific tale of 2020 then I shall be grateful. 

It has however made me realise my own mortality is not promised whether it be a virus or something else later down the line or old age, then i feel secure in knowing all these things have now been put in place. Apart from the fact my cupboards will have filled up again haha. 

While writing this I realised there is a silver lining (a benefit to writing down thoughts and feelings, maybe not publicly like me though haha) a hugeeeeeee gigantic silver lining in fact - for all the horrible lessons coronavirus has taught many of us, for me it has taught me never to take anything for granted, I never really spoke with or connected with my brother as much as I should till now,

I never noticed how beautiful Crystal palace park was on a sunny day with the birds singing and the flowers blooming, (don't judge - my hour exercise alone haha). 

I am now going to accept most invites to go out and do things with friends and start to have a social life again. I have worked on my business and stayed home so much that I forgot how to have a personal life along the way. 

I have seen the smallest little act of kindness which are HUGE really, people pulling together to help others with no expectation of anything in return. 

I am going to hug my (big) children so tight every time I see them and a whole lot more than I do now. 

I am going to check in on people more often and see they are OK.

I am going to make plans to see a bit of the world (okay so ill need to work bloody hard to achieve that one, but i will) 

I am going to stop focusing on being on the wrong side of 40 and start living like i'm still 20 something haha. 

I'm not gonna sweat the little things

I am gonna do my hardest to make people realise that no matter their circumstances or past that they can dream big dreams and go far in life, encourage, motivate and LOVE people even ones I don't know, make them look at life from another perspective so they can learn to love themselves. 

Christmas - a season that I lost the love for in the past few years to the point iv'e not put a tree up in a few years, if we all make it then i'm spending it with my nearest and dearest. with the biggest tree ever (if I can afford one that is haha)

So you see there are silver linings you just have to look for them. To see the beauty that is in the world that we perhaps never saw before. 

Conclusion 

If I make it out then a lot will change, we will all be changed after this in one way or another. 

To those of you who have lots loved ones, always remember they are still very much there, they don't want to see you fall apart, they want to look down and smile and they would say "GO YOU fulfil your dreams live a good life because I am rooting for you from above and on occasion right beside you. Do not be sad that you can no longer see me, i'm in a beautiful place, I am happy and loving watching over you and checking in on you until we meet again, your time is not now". 

Lastly I want to finish up with telling you to please stay home please please please, I know it's pants and all that but if you can't do it for you then think of your family, friends and NHS. 

And thank you to all those nurses, doctors, surgeons, all hospital staff, the job they are doing all over the world will be the hardest thing they have ever done. We can't imagine what sadness and what scars this will leave them with. But I just hope they mentally keep strong look after their well being and still embrace life and live it to the full. 

Thank you to our vets, shelter staff, volunteers, shop workers, police, fire services, dentists, refuse collectors, care home staff, bus, tube train drivers, postal staff and all others I've probably missed out. We all couldn't do it without you. 

I wish you all well, I wish you all LOVE. 

Debbie 

sk xxx

 

 


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